Giving thanks

Been up to many things recently and I`ve been wanting to post up pics of my mountain climbing trip with my research lab ppl. But fate has it that I`ve been swamped with stuff to do. Lots of stuff and i just keep going and going and taking breaks to cool off and going at it again.

Kinda hit a rut today and my body just says `No more` and im like `Come on, you`ve stuff to hand in tomorrow` and it goes `blah......`

and this goes on and on and I go online to read motivational stuff to get going and I daydream of living in a beach side hut doing nothing but paint and play all day and listen to Jack Johnson.

and finally it all clicks and I realize how lucky i am to be here doing this. How many people can say they have a full scholarship, in a first world country, getting a degree. I mean i have freedom to do anything and everything i want to and that is more than enough for me.

Lesson learned today is to never have anything get in the way of you remembering to always give thanks. Give thanks for the gifts that are bestowed on you. Every single little thing is a gem. Always, always give thanks every single day. Never forget.

Eat, Pray, Love

Searching. Forever searching. That`s what we do. We are forever searching for that one thing that will make us happy, that completes us, that makes our life worthwhile.  Some people find it in family, some in love, some in money... the list are endless. And when we get it, what happens? Does everyone stay forever happy with that one thing? If they don`t, do they try to make it work or abandon it in search of something else?

The circle of life. The wheel that is ever turning, never stopping. Over and over and over again.

Im taking a spiritual view nowadays. This circle of suffering it must be no more. The middle way seems best. Has always been and always will be. It has always been calling out to me-the other path, the one less trodden. I`ve always felt like a lone boat out at sea. Hardly anyone seems to be tunning into the same radio frequency. When they are, I thank the high heavens; when they are none, I sail on. It is no wonder that I turn to books or other pursuits to find amusement.

And when I chance on a jem like "Eat,Pray,Love" , I feel as if I`ve found a new best friend. The one that knows just what Im talking about and even better, have gone through it all to tell me her story. Her love and wars, won and lost. People she has met, lessons she gained. They are like little pockets of wisdom. And as I nod, and nod, grin, laugh and smirk through it all, I find that Im just that more determined, that more ready to start the ball rolling.

Of adventures and traveling, people and their stories, food and culture...the marvels are endless. And can only happen when you start an action, throw a rock, buy a ticket. Why not then Joyce, I questioned myself? Ah....and in reply, I hear words and whispers by 'others'

"The path less trodden is one of suffering." *came wif a knowing admonishing look*

"Ah....." *speechless silence*

"NONSENSE!...bla...bla....bla...." *this is final look*

"..............." *zoned out look*

and still I hear it. Why not then, why not?

P/s: Movie not as good. You`re better of just with the book. Treasure it. Love it. And what the heck, give it a name and croon to this new darling as you leaf through her already dogeared pages.

Just so I don't forget...

Thinking, soooooooooo much thinking the past two weeks plus. Thinking bout the future, humankind, the world, myself, what I've been doing, what Im going to do. But mainly, I've been thinking about "The meaning of life". Yeah, I know. The ever big question. Don't know why, all this stuff nags me, eats at my very soul. Haha.....

I guess I sort of lost myself when I was super busy/tired doing all the assignments and uni stuff. Got disillusioned. So I do what I do best in dire times like this, get holed up facing four walls and locking the doors to get down to it.

Exploring ones mind is a fascinating thing indeed. It takes you on strange journeys and dark places. You get faced with the past you love and hate,  truths about yourself you don't want to accept and the issues surrounding mortality. Not to mention the ever feared Future. So according to mainstream psychology, which is mostly based on Freud, we can try to solve all this psychosis  by dwelling deeper to try to understand it. That`s what I've been trying to do for soooooo long. And I happen to chance on this book by Viktor E. Frankl, titled "Man's search for meaning" and it super answered my questions and some others. Deftly ignoring Freud too. Epic, its about time too. The man is so keng. Nazi death camp survivor and all, I don't think anyone can ever fathom the horrors they faced. And to come out of it alive. Respect! And cos he recommended reading Plato's Republic, I am. Just hope can finish it la. Hahaha....

Weird la. This kind of thing just loves happening onto me. Loosing balance, not knowing whats real anymore. And I can't help but to think a lot. But I think its good, all the emo-ing. Cos in the end, I always find the compass that points north again. Just hope I don't loose it to soon :D

Somehow, in the end, it always ends up in choosing from idealistic thinking and cold hard reality. And up till now I have always chosen to walk the line. Its hard, but what isn't. And if it feels right, that's where I stand. So its just great now that everything, well almost everything is crystal clear again. I know which road to take and its the one least taken. Muahahaha....

Feels great to be back again :D

Dear God, just grant me the courage to continue on.

********

On another note, I think I just rediscovered friendship and putting more trust in it again. You know like how in primary school, we sign albums before we graduate and everyone loves to write "Friendship Forever". Well, I never believed it. Haha.....call me a pessimist. But I've transfered to soooooo many schools and I knew even then that nothing is forever. But you know, it all boils down to reaching out and getting in touch. Near and far, old and new, they are but a click away. Its down to priorities, I don't think it will ever go all the way, but it's in a higher rung now. Got to thank all the Toyohashi ppl and PPKTJ-nians and all the ppl I've ever known. Its good to have friends all around. Big shout out " I LOVE YOU ALL!" 

Hahaha.......Happy Siaw edi. So more like me :DDDDDDDD

A dose of innocence...

Childhood innocence and happy thinking. The carefree days and lightheartedness. The positive thoughts and heartfelt sharing. Lots of FUN and lots of sun. All the warm and fuzzy yummy things get lost as we venture from childhood into adulthood. Deadlines and fear of the future drive us and we begin to lose notice of all the little things that matters most. So take time out of your daily routine. Take time to breathe and be that little person that is still in you. Yes, there is still hope for you. Its just covered in dust and grime from years of neglect. So dust out the corners and embrace that little person you used to know.

Btw, watercolour does not make the postcard curl that bad :D It sticks and dries out perfect. Doesn't really smudge too. Is happy :)

Self imposed isolation...

... is really good. You know, like how writers like to go somewhere, anywhere, far from everyone else they know and cut all connections to the world to write their book. I finally really understand that concept after experiencing it. It really helps to still the mind and clear out unwanted distractions for new thoughts and ideas.

There's (I think) basically 3 stages to this whole thing (But its still debatable). First, your brain runs on wheels, churning thoughts after thoughts after mindless thoughts until you have exhausted all possible current information to feed it and you have become accustomed to the surroundings you are holed up in. Then, comes the process of re accessing everything you thought real and producing new realities. Then comes the process of materializing it all out into this reality. The final stage is when one ventures out into the real world again and realizes that more adjustments are needed to complement the new realities that has been developed. 

I'm here.Not there or anywhere, so here is where my thoughts should be.

Taking break from studying for exams, went to park to ride.

There was this moment as I was riding that the sounds from the trumpet this guy was playing mingled so well with the flock of birds flying by above the pine trees.It was like the scene in Laputa, Castle in the sky. What a beautiful moment. And it was just that, a moment that lasted for seconds, and yet it was amazing. 

Life is made of lots of moments, sections of time. Some are mundane, some we don't even realize as we go through the motions, but its the wonderful moments that we remember. May we always remember and appreciate those moments.

Today is a Happy day! :D

That's right. Its a super duper happylicious day! And I am smiling uncontrollably :D In fact I have to exert some restrain to prevent my facial muscles from hurting.Haha....such good days are hard to come by. And thus, I feel this insatiable urge to write it down for much needed encouragement when I turn into a wreck again :D 

Why am I so happy? Simple. Got 3 reports done. Passed up. Conducted experiment today and for the first time ever its a competition experiment.Haha....got into 3 groups to design and create a model house. The house that has the lowest temperature score after being blasted with insane heat from halogen lamps wins the race.And guess who's team won! Haha....mine. Victory is sweet man. And we even got prizes for it. Kinda feel bad for the other teams cos we only got the details of the house done today when the other teams got their plan all drawn up already.With measurements and everything. It just goes to show that The Idea behind a concept is so very important in design. The execution might be flawless, but the concept is the stronghold that makes the whole design solid and that is everything. The rest is just money, effort and lots and lots of time. But of course presentation is very important also la. Gosh, learning much huh :D

Neways, industrious day! Love it. So much better than days of moodily reflections. But its all about the balance. The give and take. The journey. The realization, sharing, positiveness and appreciation.

Also also, very happy cos of lots of talk, lots of love and lots of warmth all around. Managing another breakthrough in confessions as the level keeps getting higher and higher is really just the cherry on top of the humongous rainbow colored cake decorated with McD fries around the side that is today.Oh, and it has lines of miniature red roses on the second tier and a sugar icing posies on top :D

Imagination much huh.

Moonsong

Bewitched by the orb,
Dancing in the night,
Step out into the dark,
and gazing adoringly,transfixed.

Under the glowing moon,
Three souls came to be,
Sipping spirits and reflecting on,
Future, past and present.

The feeling of kinship,
The resounding peace,
The sharing so sound.
But how long can it last?

For as the years pass,
The road shall divide,
Moving on is what that must be,
So appreciate.

Appreciate the now,
All that you have,
All that can be,
For it is everything.

Courage is needed

I've just come to realize something that I've wanted to voice out in a long long time, but never knew what to say or make of this feeling.

I finally know now why I am how the way I am.Simply said, I don't want to walk the line.The line everyone gets forced into from early birth,duped into thinking that this is the way things are, cheated into it by lines and lines of predecessors who did the exact same thing.The rat race we all run,in hopes of achieving higher social-economical status? Sure there will be some who strike a moment of eureka and wanted to rock the boat, but they eventually get pulled down by reality again. Friends and loved ones who cannot understand, pressures of carving out a living, self-doubt.Many factors come to play, and the race is on again. What is the reality of this existence? Who is it who set the rules the majority runs by? Ultimately, what do we really want from life. And dare we kindle a fire that shall set our lives ablaze.

Living of the grid, boycotting mass production, going back to the old days of wilderness seems like a novel idea.Can it really be done in an age where we are over independent on technology?I sometimes feel that the little people should join forces and combat the greed and control of the powers that be.But then again, everyone wants a comfy life.Life as it is is hard enough without bothering much about the major issues. As long as prices are down, and the living is good, nobody really cares.

Is it too much to ask? To just pack up and leave.To discover the world and through that who I shall be.

Cest la vie

Honesty is the best policy. So some say, but is it true all the time?Sometimes it is perhaps better to apply a little restraint. Least not unwanted accidents happen.So it is best to do as Moody says and to always remain in a state of constant vigilance!Sure sometimes we tired of it and commit errs and blunders.Or sometimes the subconscious tries to take a hand in things, or rebellion kicks in, or a myriad of little things can be the cause.But at the end of the day, it can all be tidied up nicely.The most important thing is to always keep an open mind and to rise above all the challenges the universe likes to hurl around.

Good company is like old wine.Why?Because, one, they are extremely rare. Two, they take time to age. It requires all the right conditions, the proper ingredients, occasional pokes and prodding here and there, lots of patience and lots of heart.But when its right its right. It'll warm you to your toes and keep your head spinning long after.

I am so grateful and as always humbled by how life takes its course. Sometimes you get thrown a low ball, or maybe a high ball. But always, always, you can expect the unexpected. There might be long droughts whereby you hunger and thirst, drop drowning in a deep black hole or get dazed in a sea of white mist. But you can always look forward to bright sunshiny days, with puffy clouds and long stalks of dancing grass, and literally,literally hear music in the air as fat fluffy birds fly overhead and you can't help but feel a dance in your step as you step forward into your next great adventure.

Ask

Sometimes,I close my eyes. I turn away. Because I don't want to see. There are times when it's more than what I am willing to see, or sometimes there are just things that are meant to stay hidden. So I close my eyes. Because I wonder who gave us the power to judge. To decide. On what basis do we act on what we see. Is it always right? No. But it is not going to be always wrong either. So what should one do? To open our eyes to all stimuli or do we pick and choose? Or do we strive to be the all seeing and all knowing but not all action? Tough one. I know. But its just not right to forsake it all either. 

And another question of the day. "Who was it who made you who you are?" Superbly love it. If you can answer this. I guarantee you will resolve most if not all your traumas.So take a walk down memory lane and map out your history. After all, without resolving past traumas and moving on, how can we grow and look to the future when we are still stuck in the past.  

Uni

Busy busy days,
means being on the move,
from morn till nite,
then i konk out till it's light.

Head a spinning,
with new knowledge n ideas,
its tiring but fun,
With a dose of of accomplishment!

So 9 to 6,
is sap sap water,
when there's fire,
there's no more water.

Bring on the 8,
I've no fear,
I've internet and frens,
I`ve all that I need here.

:D

HApPY hApPY HaPPy CNY EBriONe!!!!!

Yeah, its that time of year again.... when there`s lots of excuses to go shopping for new clothing, food and drinks and anything you want....muahahaha. With lots of red red and more red. Red decorations all over the house, red baju to wear, red ang pau to recieve, red lion dance troupe, red fireworks......

Huhuhu.....but all that seems so far away. Cos im stuck here in Japan, facing exams next two weeks, so ...... studying lor this CNY. Fact of life and used to it already. But you know, there`s still this longing to celebrate. Haha.... so..... i do little things to remind me of the tradition that im so used to and love to bits. Like buying kam and placing it next to my lone CNY card to "decorate" my room, cleaning room, wearing new baju tomorrow, cooking wif kohai`s (we is making shark fin soup-but instant one lar) :DDD

Ok la. Not too shabby. Haha..... then come march and I can fly back home to meet my family <3

Enough of me rants. Wishing everyone a

HAPPY HAPPY CNY !!!

all the best wishes this new year. Have a blast and live life to the fullest!
:DDD

On being ladies and gentleman

Liz and Jack went out to dinner at a very chic restaurant. As they sat down at the table, Jack immediately moved the candle from the center of the setting to the side of the table. Liz looked at him kinda funny, not understanding why he did that but, not really caring either. Later, however, when Liz reached across the table to steal some of Jack's food (as she always does), she realized he moved the candle so her sleeve wouldn't catch fire when she reached across the table. Jack's manner and grace were so attuned to her as a friend, that he knew her moves before she did. That tiny gesture ended up becoming the pivotal moment of the episode and changed the course of their business relationship.

I'm telling you guys again, women notice the small stuff. They notice the gentleness/gentlemenliness more than if you use the right fork at dinner. I'm a very lucky man, Garance notices every little kindness I offer her, she doesn't miss a thing. Knowing that makes it so much more rewarding to do even more little things for her. I'll be honest, my biggest obsession in life right now is not better shoes, more suits or a bigger career but, to simply be a more graceful man for my graceful woman.

This is a part of The Sartorialist post that I saw today. And as I read it I went "Yes, here's a guy that gets it!" Its all about the manners. It does not matter what kind of relationship we are talking about here, manners are super important in all our interactions with other people. Be it our friends, family, or the shop keeper. A dusting of P's and Q's goes a long way. I find its like a dying art form. Most people hardly bother anymore. I am not saying that I am the most polite person around. In fact, I am quite ashamed to own up to some of my past transgressions. But I do try. I feel its an important part of what being human means.

No more fantasy

Disillusioned by fairy tales. Tall tales of white knights, dark forests and witches. Tear it down, tear it down. My fortress of stone and ice. Awake from slumber, this is not your world anymore. Shed a tear and move on. On to new dimensions. Higher heights. Soar.

No man is an island

This should be a post that has been posted long long ago. But I never got around to doing it.

No man is an island.

I bet you`ve heard of this before. When I heard of this last time, I poohed and pahhed. I know we humans are social creatures but, we can choose not to be right? With our amazing brain, with all those thoughts running through, surely we don`t need others.

Well, here`s the result of the experiment on lab rat No. 1, nicknamed Joyce.

Negative.

There is no way no how anyone can live a life without any human contact, or lack of it.
We all need other people. We need to talk, communicate, socialise with others. If not we just don`t function properly, get into moods, think too much. Generally, dissapearing into a little world we create for ourselves.

Today I had a long conversation with lab rat No. 2. I guess everyone falls into this experiment somehow or another. I hope rattie 2 gets on well and resolves it faster than me. All the best! :D

I know its hard. All those conversations with the mousies. They are just so different from us ratties, you know. We all speak the rodent language, but boy is the insides different. We talk bout running wild in drains and sewage, they talk bout cozy homes tucked with straw. We talk bout discovering new frontiers and hidden jewels. They talk bout the lattest cheese invented. Sometimes we worry that our crass behaviour might offend the mousies, scare them off. But you know what, I as rattie No. 1 says that it really doesn`t. Maybe the mousies aren`t made of such soft stuffings after all, huh.

So to all the ratties out there, just be your rattie self. It will all work out well. Trust me :D

Decisions

Today...

I made a decision. Im gonna go for what I`ve been wanting to do for a long long time. I just never got down to doing it cos of fear of the unknown, fear of failing what is nearest and dearest, what if Im not good enough? The steps to take were small but looked huge, like braving an ocean, a thousand leagues. That was all I thought of while whining and complaining to people who were willing to listen to my rants. While deep down, I always knew that I had to put that step forward in the direction that I wanted to go and let the wind steer my way.

I believe that if you want to and are on the path you were meant to take, all the universe will conspire with you to help you achieve what was meant for you. Your true calling, your reason for being.

Maybe this is what I was meant to do. Maybe not. I don`t know. But for now, it feels right and I shall. It is amazing that in just a span of a few hours, I`ve made up my mind and have already set things in motion. Im amazed at it all. Amazed at what one can accomplish when your mind is ready for it.

I have never felt so alive and in charge of my direction since...since for so long...so long that I no longer remember. So lets just hope it all goes well. If not, I know that I`ve tried. Maybe it was never meant to be then.

But for now, I strive.

Judgment

Judgment.

I profess, I`ve been guilty of it, in fact, I still am. Try as I may to eradicate this disease of my unworthy self, its not one of those things that disappears at will. It was too late for me, when I discovered the vile and evil side to it, it had already spread and implanted itself securely into the deepest crevices of my mind. Try as I may, the little devil still lurks and creeps around, forever looking for a chance to strike.

I was once asked by a friend and fellow confidant, "How do you know it is all true?" That time I cockily and confidently said, I just do. Oh, what a naive and pompous fool I was. Nothing is ever what you think it is. There are so many faces to a story, so many sides to the truth.

So as you see, I fully understand how incredibly hard it is to not pass judgment. I am guilty as charged. But, where would we be without it. How do we know right from wrong? The question my dear readers would be what you are using it for. For discerning good from bad? or for more carnal ego feeding needs?

Really, I know I am in no position to criticize other unfortunate souls. But its just so damn irritating to have self righteous people breathing down your neck. There is something called freedom of choice and right to live. Look it up. Can`t you just keep your opinions to yourselves? Is it really worth its weight in gold?

In essence, I am sick of it, of all the psychological warfare we play. Forget about the war zone, there is another more mental war right in your own backyard, well, in your own mind that is. But with all that`s said, it can simply be canceled out with a "Its all in your mind, you think too much."

Is it really?

All in the state of mind.

All you have to do is keep a positive mind track and all will be happy. Isn`t that called deliberately deceiving oneself?

Maybe its all about being open. Open to diversity. Diversity of ideas, beliefs, choices, understanding.

Life isn`t perfect. It never is. You just gotta make the best of it.

Musings

Many things to say,
but I wonder if it is ever wise to do so, unchecked,
sometimes limitations are a bane on existence,
but to go without is sheer idiocy,
balance is called for,
and all shall be perfect,
but living in a perfect glass world is not easy,
it shatters in a single drop,
not so much fun after all the work.

All these roles we play,
I wonder if this is it to life,
seems pointless,
the games we play,
I`ve always opted out,
but playing the game alone is lonely,
a worthy adversary is called for,
but they don`t just drop down from the sky.

I won`t let it be,
just like that,
its uncalled for,
its beneath me,
somethings gotta give,
but is it time?

No,no,
doesn`t feel like it,
I wonder when then?

Helloooooo

Im back. After a very long absence from blogging. Muahahaha....

The thing is, when you are enjoying life, living every moment of it, really living, you don`t even think of blogging.

Yep. Its the sad truth. Ppl who blog, constantly,well most of them, don`t really have a life. Ahem, I think I just offended lots of ppl out there. Well what the heck, I blog too right. :P

Neways, just wanna say Im back and will be popping stuff up once in a while or when I feel like it.

Holidays were great, a blast, I went back then to HK, Macau and China. Learnt lots, experience lots, met really interesting ppl along the way too. Made my eyes open up to all the possibilities, the endless what ifs and the diversity of the world. It just goes to show how staying on a small island can pull wool over your eyes. Can`t stand how I always forget the pull of all things foreign and new before long after being barricaded in here.

And im being evil, cos i rather not post up stuff bout ze trip. Muahaha....im keeping it all to myself. :P

So now its all back to sch and study study and do do do..... Subjects this year are way better. Yippee!! Interesting but, lots of info to stuff in when exams roll around. Gosh, I real hope I can muck and get it all done for uni exams. Fingers crossed.

Sakuras are still in bloom here. Who ever said they are delicate, the ones this yr are damn hardy. Went for my 3rd hanami alone. Haha.... made bento and cycled along to this park nearby with lots of sakuras in full bloom. Total gorgeousness. And there were lots of like-minded Japs around, so it was kinda crowded. But you know what???

I found that the key to proper enjoyment of Hanami is actually, to sit down quietly and observe those wonderfull falling petals. Like its namesake "Hana(flower)-mi(see)".

How many times have you gone to Hanami and came back with no memory of it but of some pink cloud like haze above your heads. Thats why the longer you stay here, you start to get sick of it. All those big crowded picnics are to blame. Everyone just look, then start to grab food, or talk to ppl, no one ever SEEs anymore.

If its still blooming at your place, do try it out. Look and really SEE. :D Don`t get to jaded wif old age now :P

Tata till next time